Where, Oh Where, Did My Relaxing Summer Go?

So it's nearly three months since my last post, and you're no doubt publicly dissing me for being a Total Slacker. Au contraire, mes amis. Total Slackers sleep until noon, loll about in their pjs, watch loads of bad TV, and surf the Net for untold hours.

I am the very antithesis of a Total Slacker: I am a Mom with a School-Age Child on Summer Break, and I defy you to glance at my PDA's Daily Calendar and still accuse me of sloth! I've cooked for VBS, driven a team of Boys Emitting Non-stop Fart Noises to their first overnight camp experience, arisen daily at 7am to feed the Next Olympic Champion breakfast before his swim practice, and chauffered Tiger Woods Wannabes to their golf lessons at the ungodly hour of 7:30am.

Somehow, in my spare time, I was rooked into certifying as a Stroke & Turn Judge...not as wildly orgasmic as it sounds, ladies, and according to my best calculation, for every hour spent standing on concrete in 100 degree heat waiting for a six-year old child to complete the third minute of what should normally be a thirty-second event, I was rewarded with approximately 1.3 taut male lifeguard chest sightings. You gotta ogle your hotties where you can at my age, OK?

I've survived never-ending sleepovers and the Tired Crying Fits that accompany them; I've washed more beach towels and swim trunks than I can fathom, I've scouted the sale racks for new tennis racquets and golf tees and swim goggles, while ordering new school uniforms, a duffel bag suitable for camp abuse, a rolling bookbag, and a ping pong table to keep everyone occupied in their "down time." I'm not kidding.

I've packed and shopped and laundered and cooked on trips to the beach, to the mountains, and on one occasion, to Vacation Hell and back, as I watched my dreams of sleeping late, sipping coffee, and writing that next best-seller flee from my grasp. To top it off, I've managed to work out with my trainer, naturally at an hour of the morning when most people are engaging in a fun new hobby called "sleep."

Don't get me wrong...I'm fortunate and blessed and all that mushy stuff, to have the time and the family and the resources to enjojy all of these memory-making moments. But I was vastly unprepared for the social life of a 10 year old child, and I recommend that Human Taxi Service Training be a requisite for college graduation, because you're gonna need it, trust me on this.

Truth be told, I've enjoyed my summer, and amidst the bedlam, I introduced my son to classic movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ernest Goes to Camp, and Beerfest (ok, that last one was a joke. Seriously. Total waste of film. OF COURSE I didn't show that to my son!).

We "found gems" at a gem mine, we discovered that Mom can still play Fur Elise if she wears her bifocals and stands very far back from the piano keyboard, and we played rousing rounds of Spoons (my sister cheats like a sonofabitch). We've read the new Harry Potter (excellent!) and we've basked in the glow of swim team ribbons covering our refrigerator.

Man, what am I gonna do with myself when school starts?