'M' is for the Memory I Had Before I Gave Birth...

Hi, folks. Your omni-present, ever-watchful, ultra-lazy humorist and observer of our social fabric, Bunkie Lynn here. Yeah, it's been a couple of weeks since I blogged. Ok, it's been 35 days, geez! I had to catch up on taped episodes of Boston Legal, already! Denny Crane... William Shatner, comic genius. Who knew?

In the spirit of Spring, ensuing flights of fancy, and passionate rites of fertility (not necessarily in that order), I would like to offer you today a bit of inadvertent, unsolicited advice to help you plow through the muddle of Life.

I'm a Mom, therefore I Know Whereof I Speak. In other words, anyone who's going to acknowledge that I am a Mom, and that I have something coming to me on Mother's Day, take heed of these sage words and save yourself a lot of guaranteed pain, that might otherwise descend upon you, if you ignore them. (These work for the universal 'EveryMom,' not just moi.)

Bunkie Lynn's Mother's Day Do's & Don'ts
1. A trash compactor is never an acceptable Mother’s Day present.
2. Hand-crafted gifts are precious. Example: Precious stones, i.e. diamonds, hand-crafted into platinum settings.
3. Moms love surprise getaways; the exception is a weekend in an efficiency condo with 15 relatives and a hot plate.
4. Moms enjoy phone calls on their special day. Calls soliciting cash to pay gambling debts or to announce you’re moving back home are not considered enjoyable.
5. Moms love breakfast in bed. That’s why God invented Pop Tarts and Hershey Kisses!
6. Do take Mom out to eat on her special day. Don’t take her to White Castle.
7. Simple cards show Mom you care. Old Navy, Starbucks and VISA are great examples of simple, pre-paid cards.
8. What Mom wouldn’t want a cute St. Bernard puppy for Mother’s Day? All moms, everywhere. Trust me.
9. Do take Mom to the movies. Don’t take her to see Saw 2.
10. Do tell Mom you love her for raising you. Don’t tell her you are in therapy because of it.

Bunkie's Bonus Tip: A) Chocolate is a mom’s best friend. B) A woman can never have too much chocolate. C) See ‘a’ and ‘b’.

Happy Mother's Day!