Howdy, ya'll. I'm livin' in my SUV this weekend as I journey back and forth to Bowling Green, KY from my humble home in Tennessee, for my appearances at the Southern KY Book Fest. It's Big Fun and if you're reading this, and you're in the vicinity of Bowling Green, come to the SOKY Fest Saturday at the Sloan Convention Center, and holler at me.

Let's just spend a moment discussing the virtues of gambling. I admit it, I can't help myself. I mean, I am not a Player in the big league sense of the word, but on the few times when I've been downwind of a slot machine, I can't help but throw money in it. Once I won $200 in nickels. Do you have any idea how heavy $200 in nickels is? Good grief!

Tennessee has our new Lotto, but no Powerball, which is a shame, because my car automatically drove itself to the Kentucky LottoLand this afternoon, and as a ten-dollar bill fell out of my wallet, I found myself stepping out of my shy persona and asking the clerk for 10 Qwik Pik PowerBall tickets. Hey, jackpot's 75 million! Lump sum payment, after tax, would set me up nicely for the rest of my life, and I'd take all my friends to the Caribbean for a huge party. I could call my agent and editor and everybody else and tell them to write their own danged books, I'm on permanent vacation.

Sure, that's what I tell myself. But let's face it, 75 million, in a lump sum would be around 30 million, so after tax would be 15 million, or less.

Now I can run through the cash, believe me. The requisite Caribbean party would cost at least a couple hundred grand. I'd buy a bus for my church, because we don't have one, and every church worth its salt has a church bus. And I'd have to pay off the mortgage and my other debts, in order to feel good about myself, like Dave Ramsey says. So when it comes right down to it, that 15 mil wouldn't last very long, I'd have to invest the rest, make it work for me, put myself on a budget...after spending at least a couple mil to restock the wine cellar, buy a kick-ass stereo, a new hot laptop, and a beach house. Oh. And maybe a Rolex. I've always wanted a Rolex, the ultimate non-essential accessory.

Gee...I guess if I really do win the jackpot, I'd better not piss off my editor and agent, huh...15 million really doesn't go that far, does it? Maybe I'll drive back to Kentucky next week if there's no winner....I need to clear at least 50 million....