After being on a little holiday and eating everything in sight for days, including an obscene amount of chocolate Easter candy, I returned home today and stepped on the scales, head hung low, fully expecting the Diet Police to whip me with their Shame Canes.

WHAT? What is that number? It can't be right. (Step off the scale, move it around the floor, step gingerly back on).

You've GOT to be KIDDING. I LOST WEIGHT? I LOST 5 POUNDS? (find screwdriver, open battery compartment on scale, replace battery, re-weigh).

Oh my gosh, it's TRUE! I LOST WEIGHT EATING CHOCOLATE! Somebody call AMA, this Big Girl's got some mind-blowing research to report, a medical/nutritional miracle has occurred in my humble bathroom.

Visions of Nobel-prize winning speech delivery dart around my brain...yes, I'd like to thank my husband for the gigantic bag of Peanut M&Ms, my friend Carol for the Cadbury caramel cremes, oh, and my mom for the sinful chocolate cheesecake. Was exercise involved? Of course! I did at least 50 Chocolate Arm Curls to get to those M&Ms. And every time I ran out of chocolate, I was forced to get up off the couch, don't tell me that doesn't burn calories! Yes, there's no doubt in my mind, chocolate is a weight-loss miracle worker, and I'm living proof...

Man, this puts a whole new spin on the diet thing...let's see, eggs for breakfast, salad for lunch...I think a Peanut Buster Parfait for dinner makes sense, don't you?